But I've never even seen a dragon!
by Dad
Summary: goku, bulma and the gang get lost and wind up on different tv shows looking for dragonballs. This is really a story that my dad has written and I wanted everyone to see it. I think that it is very funny!


"I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN A DRAGON"  
  
Our story begins on a sunny day in Port Charles. Sonny Corinthos and Alexis Davis were sitting in their favorite waterfront tavern having dinner when sonny noticed something strange. "Now there's something you don't see everyday, Alex." "What's that?" Alex replied. " A kid with a tail riding a cloud being followed by a girl with blue hair, a bald kid with holes in his forehead, and a pig dressed as a communist riding in a flying submarine." As they watched, the strange foursome lands in a vacant lot next door. "Let's investigate." Alex said.  
  
As they approached, Alex overheard them arguing. " You're radar's jammed, Bulma." Krillin said. " There's no dragonballs here." " Watch it, baldy. I told you we should have left him with master Roshi." " Even if there isn't any dragonballs, we can still get something to eat, I'm starved." Goku said. "How about a b.l.t., Oolong?" " Don't start with me, kid, or you'll learn a new meaning for hog wild." Oolong said.  
  
"Can we help?" Sonny says. "Sure," said Goku. " Seen any dragonballs?" "I don't remember ever seeing a dragon," said Sonny. "Have you, Alex?" " Well, there is Erika Caine, but she's a woman." "Where are we?" Bulma asks. " General hospital." Alex replies. " No wonder everything looks strange here, your dragon radar has lead us to a soap opera. Not only are we out of our timeslot but also were on network television. Nice work, Bulma." Says Krillin. " Can you tell us how to get back to the Cartoon Network?" Asks Bulma. " We don't Know, We've been trying to get out of here for three seasons." Said Sonny. " Can we come with you?" "Sure," says Goku, "But you buy lunch." " Deal."  
  
Three hours and three hundred dollars later, the five left Port Charles in search of dragonballs. "Cool," says Sonny. " Imagine having a storyline that don't involve sex, treachery, or infidelity. We can actually act. I feel reborn." " Are you sure you remember how to act?" Alex says. "It's been a long time." "Quiet you two, I'm trying to get a reading." Bulma says. "I think it's just over the next ridge, Goku." "OK, Bulma."  
  
As they break through the clouds, they descend on another strange scene. The five hunters begin to survey the surroundings. Suddenly, Goku feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find himself face to face with a giant yellow bird. "Hello little fella, I'm Big Bird." " You certainly are," says Goku. "Seen any dragonballs?" " I don't remember ever seeing a dragon." Says Big Bird. " Don't you get tired of that joke?" Sonny asks. "Sure, but what can you do?" says Oolong. "Where are we now?" asks Krillin. " Sesame Street." Says Big Bird. " Great job, Bulma. Now we're on PBS." " One more word, Krillin, and I'm feeding you to Cookie Monster." She thrusts her thumb backwards. "COOKIE!" " EEEEKK!" Krillin runs into the sub. " Any idea how we get out of here?" asks Alex. " Beats me," says Big Bird. "We've been trapped here for twenty years." "WOW," says Alex. "I thought we had it bad. Don't you ever want to leave here?" " Most of us are institutionalized now, but if you can get rid of that big blue idiot for us we'd be grateful." "COOKIE!" "SHUT UP!" screams Big Bird. "OK," says Goku. " Your not going to bring him back, are you?" asks Big Bird. "Not if you buy lunch." "Deal."  
  
Cookie Monster is unceremoniously stuffed in a storage locker after lunch #2 and they're off. "COOKIE!" yells Cookie Monster. "SHUT UP," yells Krillin and he kicks the locker. "Where are we going to now, Bulma? The Weather Channel?" " Do you want to share that locker?" "Are they always like this?" asks Sonny. " No, they're getting along pretty good today." Says Oolong. " The radar is picking up something just beyond that next ridge, Goku." "OK, Bulma"  
  
The group settles down in a neighborhood that seems poorly drawn. " It looks kinda familiar." Says Goku. " Where are we?" "Let's ask at this house", says Alex. They go up to the door and knock. A little boy in a pink hat answers the door. " Hello, my name is Goku. Have you seen any dragonballs?" Just then, two small people appear behind the boy. They have wands and wings and floaty-crowny things. The one with green hair says," Did you say dragonballs? Check out these baby's!" In an instant, he becomes a dragon. "I don't think that's what he means." Says the other. "Is there another kind?" the boy in the pink hat says, "My name is Timmy. That's Wanda and Cosmo." "We're the Fairly OddParents." The two say in unison. " Your getting closer, Bulma." Says Krillin. " At least it's a cartoon." " One more crack and your gonna get it!" Bulma holds her fist up to Krillin's eye. "Well, we gotta go." Says Goku. "Nice to meet you." "Same here," says Cosmo. "Are you sure about the dragonballs?" They load up the sub and take off. " The dragon radar reads something due west." Says Bulma.  
  
The expedition settles down in what looks like a desert. " Where are we now?" asks Krillin. "We better let Cookie Monster out of his locker." Says Bulma. "COOKIE!" "Krikie, that's one fuzzy croc." Comes a voice from behind. "Who are you?" asks Goku. " I'm Steve Erwine, The Crocodile Hunter. You're in the Australian Outback. Today, we're gonna save some poisonous snakes from a water barrel. Oh, they're beauties." "Bulma, The Animal Channel?" Bulma turns and punches Krillin in the eye. "Next time I'll aim 2 feet lower!" "Ouch!" cringes Sonny, Goku, and Steve. " Well, This isn't right. But Steve is cute, isn't he?" says Alex. "No fair, I seen him first!" yells Bulma. She lunges at Alex and scratches her face. Alex grabs a handful of bulma's hair and pulls. They collapse on the ground in a huge catfight. "Krikie, I haven't seen anything like this since the last croc mating season." "OK, Break it up!" yells Sonny. The two girls are picked up from the ground. "We've gotta go." Says Goku. "OK", says Bulma. "Let's get Cookie Monster back in his locker." "You can't put that croc in a locker, it's illegal, no matter how fuzzy he is." Says Steve. " You can have him, if you want him." Says Goku. "Krikie, bring me some duct tape, Terry. I can't hold his jaws shut forever." "COOmphf." The intrepid explorers sneak onto the sub and fly away. "We forgot to ask him if he seen any dragonballs." Says Goku. "Don't worry, they don't have dragons in Australia either." Sonny replies.  
  
Bulma leans out the window and yells,"Goku, can you tell where we are?" "No, nothing looks familiar." Says Goku. "We better set down and ask." Says Bluma. "Yeah, I can see two people playing football down there. HEY, HELLO DOWN THERE!" The girl looks up just as the football blasts her in the face. "OH MY NOSE!" she yells. They land in the yard. "Sorry about your nose," says Goku. "That's alright," says the girl smiling still holding her nose. " I'm Marsha, that's Greg." "Hi" says the boy, smiling. " Can you tell us where we are?" says Bulma. "TV land, this is the Brady Bunch." The two say in unison, smiling. "What is this, some kinda cult?" whispers Oolong to Krillin. "Yeah, they're pretty scary alright." Krillin whispers back. "You must stay for dinner." Says Greg, smiling. " Sure, I'm starving." Says Goku. The group enters the house. "This is our mom & dad." Says Greg, smiling. "Hi, I'm Goku. This is Bulma, Oolong, and Krillin. This is Alex and Sonny, we picked them up in Port Charles." " I'm Mike and this is my wife, Carol." Says the man, smiling. "How do you do?" says the woman, smiling. "These are our children." She points to the stairs where the Brady children are lined up. " You know Greg and Marsha. This is Jan, Bobby, and Cindy. That's Peter out in the yard." " How do you do?" says the children in unison, smiling. "Does he know that's Astroturf?" asks Bulma. "Sure", says Jan, smiling. " We must mow the yard, our leader demands it." " Your leader?" says Goku. " Can we meet him?" " That's a good idea, " says Mrs. Brady, smiling. "Take them to the leader!" The children surround the group. Just then, a figure appears at the kitchen door. "Hi, I'm Alice. I see you've met my minions. NOW YOU SHALL JOIN THEM!" the Brady's begin to chant, " ONE OF US! ONE OF US!" " Get behind me!" yells Goku. Then he threw a barrage of kicks and punches until all the Brady's lay unconscious on the floor. " Run!" yells Bulma. The group runs from the house and boards the sub. Goku jumps on the cumulus and they leave quickly. " Man, that was close!" says Alex. "Yeah", says Krillin. " I knew there was something wrong with those people. Bulma, from now on, watch what your doing. I don't want to wind up as a mindless freak, OK." " Gee, Krillin. I'd think that being a mindless freak wouldn't be that much different for you."  
  
" The dragon radar is picking up something over there." Bulma points to a city in the distance. As they get closer, things start to get familiar. Then it hits them. "WE'RE HOME!" they yell. But as they land, things don't seem so familiar. " It looks like home, but different somehow." Says Goku. "Yeah," says Krillin. " Let's go ask that bald, green guy over there where we are." Goku walks up to the green guy and says, " Hi, I'm Goku. Can you tell me where we are?" The green guy laughs and says," That's pretty good, Goku. You almost sounded like a little boy. That's-" He turns around and let's out a yelp. "GOOD GOD, GOKU! WHAT HAPPENED? Who did this? Freeza, Mojin Buu, Who?" Goku backs away. He's not sure what to make of this guy. As he starts to turn and run, he bumps into something. He looks up and sees a man standing there with a really big head. "So Kakarrot," says the stranger. " Looks like you got washed in hot water." " Who are you and what's a Kakarrot?" says Goku. "That's your sayian name, idiot." " Who's that?" says Bulma. " Bulma, You look great! That beauty parlour really knows their stuff!" says the big-headed stranger. " Beauty parlour? Who's this kook, Goku?" asks Bulma. " You really don't know me, Bulma? It's me, Vegeta!" " Vegeta?" says Bulma. "Sounds like a health drink, and who's the green guy, V-8 splash?" " I'm Piccolo." " We're married," says Vegeta. " We have a son, trunks. We live here with Goku and Chi-Chi and their sons, Gohan and Goten. Don't you remember?" "If I married a big headed sports drink I think I'd remember." " Wait a minute." Says Goku. " If I'm married to Chi-Chi, Then this must be the future." " Aren't you in dragonballz?" says Piccolo. "No," says Goku. "We're with Dragonball."  
  
After three false alarms later, the sub settles down in what looks like a German town. "Well, We've seen A&E, Sci-Fi, And the Playboy Channel. What Next?" says Alex. " We can still go back to the Playboy Channel." Says Sonny. " Put your eyes back in their sockets, Sonny." "Alright, I'm sure the dragonball is somewhere around here." Says Bulma. "I know, let's ask that soldier over there." Says Goku. "Hey mister, have you seen any dragonballs?" " I ain't never seen no dragon." "Aren't you Elvis Presley?" asks Alex. "Call me Tulsa." " Where are we now?" asks Krillin, holding his family jewels. "AMC Elvis Marathon. This is GI Blues." Says Elvis er, Tulsa. Krillin slips behind Sonny as Bulma clenches her fist. Tulsa sees Alex and combs his hair back." You look like a hunka hunka burnin' love." " You act a lot like someone I know." Says Goku. "James Dean?" asks Tulsa. "No. Johnny Bravo." Goku notices something glowing in Tulsa's hand. "What's that?" asks Goku. " I found it in that fountain over there." Tulsa opens his hand and reveals a dragonball! "WOW, A DRAGONBALL!" shouts Bulma. "Now we can go home!" "So that's a dragonball." Says Sonny. "It looks like the ones I used to play stickball with." He takes the dragonball, picks up a stick, and knocks it over the building. " YOU IDIOT!" Alex screams. "We just spent an entire day looking for that thing and you hit it over a building?" Alex punches Sonny in the stomach. Sonny straightens up and starts screaming at Alex. Tulsa Grabs Sonny by the collar and punches him in the nose. He falls and hits his head on the stone street. He's out cold. Alex knees Tulsa in the groin, he collapses in a heap. Alex kneels beside Sonny. She holds him and sobs. "Geez, those soap opera folks are sure moody." Says Goku. "Yeah, let's get out of here." Says Krillin. "But, what about the dragon ball?" says Bulma. "No problem," says Oolong. "I caught it. He couldn't hit his way out of a paper bag." Goku climbs aboard nimbus and the three others board the sub. They take off leaving Sonny and Alexis on AMC.  
  
Once back on master Roshi's island, the team tells him about their adventures. "And then we saw Elvis in GI Blues. Alexis kicked him in the, well, worst place and he falls down and groans like my stomach before breakfast. At least Oolong caught the dragonball." Says Goku. " You know Goku", says Master Roshi. " I was watching that movie, I thought he sang a little higher in the second half."  
  
The End 


End file.
